Ive spent quite some time within the span of one month inside or amongst the outskirts of the doctor's office. Maybe roughly 15 minutes on each visit throughout the month simply awaiting the arrival of my doctor to open the door to any visitor
s since her need for optimum security is of primary importance to her...like many others in Trinidad. I guess her absence of a secretary creates more distress than anything else too.So I wait for her,outside of even the waiting room,hands or feet impatient,double checking carefully so that I have exact monies with me to pay for that one time visit. Funny how many things dont come with a standard or fixed amount. Rather, youre charged to varying degrees for varying problems your body decides to malfunction on. At least, for a lot of people, they go to the doctor to get checks on things causing them discomfort or are not otherwise normal or healthy within their bodies.Then the buzzer sounds and I hear a click indicating that I am back facing the reality of the situation. I am here, visiting the doctor again.I might as well open the door. This little girl behind me trying to coax her mom into coming with her to the doctor's office. Im forced to leave the little girl behind and shut the door behind me when I do enter.
For the second time this month. The reality sinks in, I hold my breath unconsciously aware of my bad habit and take a step forward opening her door which leads me into her waiting room filled with patients whom always change. So unlike the signs in her building,floors or her furniture which sadly deem a stench of 70s, little upgrades are made in her building. Od
dly enough, she strikes you as the most modern or sophisticated doctor as I inspect her accessories when she talks with me as her patient.Im stuck in a rut of despair. Unable to use my voice as effectively as I want it to be used. Especially for Him.Frustrated at the people around me who constantly repeat :" whatd you say? " " Can you speak up?' " I really cant hear you".Or even more frustrated at the ones who are never there for you even if it is there,in the presence or connectedness of prayer itself.Where did it all go? The reports around me arent nice...even from your own doctor and it seems harder than ever to see the efforts anyone around you can make in attempts to make you feel better. It's easy to give in but I'm holding onto scriptures so close and prayer to my first ever best friend; the God of my life. My one hope since all my resources are running down on me.I dont know the outcome of all this but through it all I know I dont want to lose my awe for Him.If I lose that, I might end up losing my passion.
In grace,
Kesara.
Dig Deeper:
Psalms 42
Such a long season of illness, huh? I guess it can both be stressful, as well as scary, besides just getting the pains of it all. I worry as well that it could be something more serious than what the surface indicates. You're right, in those times, even the comforters who usually surround us bare no good tidings, and only God could fill that void. He is responsible for this season, and for taking you through this season as well. Whether it be your voice, or any part of your body, ultimately it is the Temple of God, and He would make sure that His Temple is taken care of.
ReplyDeleteInteresting Scripture reading btw. ;)
Thanks for your encouraging words Stephen KB. It appears to be a long season indeed and everyday im trying to grow closer to Him.It seems when I absorb myself in Him and focus on His goodness or nature,things start looking a little better to say the least. As for the scripture verse-thanks, my best human friend sent it to me on a day where I was seeking Him:)
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