Hey guys,
I'm back! Sorry for the long delay and trying something a little different *rubs hands together* oh la-la. Lets hope this isnt shoddy and keeps you gripped. Maybe,Ill write more to this narrative? We'll see.
xoxo
In grace,
Kesara
The thing about love is it can't begin with ambers;it requires decision; and the thing about decisions is you don't straggle along with them like ambers hoping to set it ablaze. It requires a "superhuman effort." For the purpose of this entry,Ill define this "superhuman effort" as an innate ability transcendent among humans, to create and make decisions with the sometimes impermeate use of various decision making skills.
::Boats.
We sat by them for hours as drivers whisped by,boaters and fishermen associates hauled onto their cruisers. He told me of all the decisions he made to want an "us". The treachery. The games. The eloquence in speech,but speeches don't always get through to me. Somewhere in between there, I wondered if I would be the subject of my office while people argued over why I would ever be the face of a missing person article. I wondered if I would write about him and liken him to a traveler I'd meet while traversing dirt roads and foreign languages. Afterall,communication was his resolve to a romantic fail. As he drove back barefooted, he would implore me in an ever so condescending way that my biological clock was against me.That mastermind called time was too and I needed to join the fight.
Within weeks of passing and lessened communication,another meeting would take place,this time,'to set things straight' . Maintaining a safe distance never seemed to be enough;so how much closer would a visit to a private getaway make me out to be? Not very.Communication dulled. His eyes glimmered through the florescent lights convincing me that feelings were there. That these feelings could be felt through the cupping of his hands,that an exchange of energy could be forced into my heart for him. The drive back held a silent calm to it like that of 2012.
::Storms.
The thing about a calm is that they always exist before a storm. Storms can also sometimes occur as consequences due to our own actions. I travelled for miles at a time with grocery bags in both hands. Some dropped from me,while I tried to reach for my keys.Then bitterness overcame me,my face thickened in red. That arbitrary vein. I slammed things to the floor feeling incapacitated.On life support from Abba-God.
He entered the room and peered over my shoulder while I read. I quietly shared my reading with him because he did not receive one himself. I tried to gauge where he was while I ever so often glanced at the photo of the guy who lived in riptides and with his GoPro. I sat in bed hurled in a corner by the weight of pain and tears for weeks at a time. He welcomed it with questions of "depressed?" "Wanna hear a joke?" He listened to it all.Even if I didn't speak,and what a danger that was because everyone knows,absence makes the heart grow fonder.The closeness. My loneliness. My fears. Fears of my love for him.
He entered the room and peered over my shoulder while I read. I quietly shared my reading with him because he did not receive one himself. I tried to gauge where he was while I ever so often glanced at the photo of the guy who lived in riptides and with his GoPro. I sat in bed hurled in a corner by the weight of pain and tears for weeks at a time. He welcomed it with questions of "depressed?" "Wanna hear a joke?" He listened to it all.Even if I didn't speak,and what a danger that was because everyone knows,absence makes the heart grow fonder.The closeness. My loneliness. My fears. Fears of my love for him.
Just a quick reminder, that no matter what you're going through,you are His. You're never too "far gone " for the Good Shepherd.Don't count yourself as disqualified;you are called by Him.
Dig deeper:
" I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”-John 10:28-30
